A Path To Independence
By Dan Chiappa-Patching
Encouraging and enabling our children to be independent is one of the most important functions of being a parent. For any of us who have watched David Attenborough’s wonderful programmes over the years and seen the first steps of any of our animal companions, this instinctively rings true. Yet knowing how best to help a child build their confidence and be more self-reliant can be tricky.
We are blessed here in Dorset with a rich natural landscape, a real wealth and breadth of nature, and the National Trust’s ‘50 things to do before you are 11¾’ outdoor activity list is a brilliant and fun resource. Reading it got me thinking: how many things can and should our children be able to do independently, and at what stage, whilst still retaining the ability to ‘be a child’? What framework can parents and teachers provide to help guide them?
Being a housemaster in a prep school gives me a number of reminders each day of just how capable children are at different stages in their lives and in a variety of settings. Whether in the classroom, at break time, during sports fixtures (both home and away), running for the forest school minibus, during the wind-down bedtime routine each evening, or during free time on a Sunday morning, I am always heartened to be reminded that young children are extremely capable of being organised and independent. Indeed, by the time they join us in Year 3, generally through the remarkable work of both parents and Pre-Prep teachers, most children already show lots of signs of independence or, at least, believe they do! So, how can we harness this and continue to build on it?
A prep school boarding house can be the perfect solution for a wide range of busy family schedules and dynamics. Our boarders range from those from full-boarding military families whose parents are seeking a stable base for their child when postings take them further afield, to weekly boarders preparing for their senior schools. There are also children who like to board once a week because they want to spend more time with their friends or are getting back late after a sports club, as well as one-off, occasional boarders who join us when plans change unexpectedly. For boarding to work well, there must be a clear framework – this prepares them for their next step, helping them gain more independence at each stage.
For any child, and perhaps more so for boarders, routine is necessary. The main routine in any boarding house relates to bedtimes, for example, we begin at 7.30pm with shower time for the juniors. Are the children able to finish evening games at 7.25pm in time to head to showers? Have they remembered their shower gel, or do they need a reminder? One of the huge benefits of the house is the herd mentality – if one goes to shower, they all do! After a shower, full boarders call their parents, have a snack and enjoy some free time. Then the children head to bed with a book, journal, or audiobook in hand, at a time determined by their year group, for some quiet time for 15 minutes before ‘lights out’. Mornings follow a similar routine with wake-up at 7am, unless they have a morning club such as swimming or cricket, and breakfast at 7.30am. Are they dressed and smart? Did they remember to collect their clean laundry the night before? Breakfast, teeth, tidy room and off to class. Staff are always around to help and guide, but the momentum comes from the children!
Responsibility is hugely important. For many, especially if you talk to the Year 7s and Year 8s, responsibility equates to independence. But children can’t just be expected to be responsible – it does take practise! At home, this may involve helping parents with chores: tidying and helping around the house, taking out the rubbish and so on. It is similar in a boarding house, though it begins with the individual. Is their bed made? Have they dropped off/collected their laundry? Is their school uniform ready for tomorrow? Have they cleared away their plates after evening snack? The above routines only work when the children are allowed and expected to be responsible for themselves.
Respect rounds everything off. As parents, we want our children to be independent, but we also want them to be liked. We want them to be respected, and most importantly, we want them to respect themselves and others. Respect is a core concept in the boarding house and is highlighted to the children – having respect for the house (routine), respect for themselves (responsibility), and respect for each other.
It is also worth noting that none of this is possible without the boarding staff who guide and support the children throughout. It can be a delicate balance when developing a child’s independence to help them understand that staff are there to help, not to do! The pride children feel when they manage their own routines and tasks for themselves is deeply rewarding to see.
So, is boarding a path to independence? Absolutely! It really helps with the first steps – but let’s not have them growing up too quickly!